i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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