Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize