oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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