They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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