So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
