...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
