I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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