Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
