Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
