well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
