Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
