i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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