i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
