I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
