Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
