I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize