So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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