You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
