Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
