Got a toothbrush?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
