I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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