You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize