Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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