did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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