Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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