Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
