You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
