We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have tasted many bathrooms
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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