Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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