yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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