Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
