I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
