STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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