What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
