Can Purell be used as lube?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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