i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
