is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
