Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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