I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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