Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
