There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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