I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
