Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
