Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
