So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
