Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
