And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
