Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
