I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize