no you cant smoke seaweed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
