she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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