I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
