Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
