just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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