i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
