I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It's Friday. Sex?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize