she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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