Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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