i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
