Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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