I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
