I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
