The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wakey wakey hands off snakey
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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