the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
