I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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