There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
