I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
