Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
