I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
