I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
