I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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