Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
