I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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