I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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