it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
vagina is talking i cant
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
