you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
