This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My dick has a subreddit
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
