Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
