Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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