You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
operation harelip BJ is a go
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
