Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
