i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
