Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
