my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The uberlube is also flammable
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
