you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Randomize
