At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
