he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
