Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
