i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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