Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize