Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
