Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Let's get the cat blown out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
