I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
