i will never coherently bang her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
