I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
