I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
